I suppose that when it comes to friends and especially potential lovers, I look very closely for something that indicates to me that the person has a deeper eye turned inward.
In comparison to someone who is interminably happy, this would be the type of person who can occasionally be found brooding, engaged in deep introspection, their eyes turned inward, searching for answers. The ones who put up the thick, false veneer of interminable happiness, are the ones with nothing to show for it. They are the ones to misunderstand, mis-characterize, ignore, or even attack another’s pain because they fear it. They think that looking inwards is a weakness, and they fear what they may find.
Which is not to say that I look for those who are always so brooding that they never crack a smile, or laugh at a joke. I am not intending to imply that I am emo, or that I am attracted to emos. I merely strive for, as in all things, balance between the emo and the Valley-girl.
Some would say that I’m searching for someone who is damaged. My response is that if you’re going to buy a house, wouldn’t you rather see the cracks, find the little places that need to be fixed, and understand from the outset that this is a fixer-upper with character, that is just as broken and damaged as every other aged and experienced house? Or would you rather the cracks be painted over, the dry-rot hidden, and the settling and broken foundation be beautifully landscaped over so that only when the problems exacerbate do you find out they were there all along?
Those of us who show that we occasionally turn a deeper eye inward are engaging in a form of honesty that those who show nothing but a facade, either good or bad, do not understand. There is something to be said for letting the false walls come down and letting the cracks, the age, and the damage show through from time to time.
Comment on this post below
You must be logged in to post a comment.
You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.