Spending 8 hours alone, coasting down this eternal, infernal highway was my first challenge towards running and hiding.
Many road trips I’ve taken in the last several years, I’ve been with friends. The only one has been this last year’s trip to Project A-Kon, and fortunately, that trip is only about half as long. Besides, with the expectation of anime, the journey is very easy to abide.
“I still believe in your eyes.
I just don’t care what
You have done in your life
Baby I’ll always be here by your side
Don’t leave me waiting too long,
Please come by…”
But eight hours on this lonely road, I haven’t recently felt so much like I wished I was journeying with someone, and not just a friend, even a close one.
“And I’ll fly with you,
I’ll fly with you…”
I wished there was someone who would fly with me with the understanding they were as interested in my future in this new place as I was, because they would be by my side through it all.
“I, I, I, I still believe in your eyes;
There is no choice,
I belong to your life
Because I will live
To love you someday;
You’ll be my baby,
And we’ll fly away.”"
Eight hours alone with nothing but my thoughts is obviously unacceptable, as I would drive myself to complete insanity (as opposed to the partial, more whimsical insanity you’ve all come to know and love, or at least know). Therefore I brought along a plethora of audio books to allow my imagination to delve into. Amidst every stop I made, at least every two hours, if not more, to allow the Mountain Dew to complete the last leg of its journey through my digestive tract, I tried to have at least some small semblance of human contact, even if that was chatting with the people at the gas station, or ordering a burger from the poor, overworked clerk in the roadside McDonald’s.
But it still felt like it wasn’t nearly enough. I wanted someone to talk to, more than just myself, that is. Let’s face facts, while talking to myself might be entertaining for those who watch, it isn’t nearly as entertaining for me as I usually hope it could be, because approximately half the time, I already know what my resposnes will be. We won’t discuss the other half at this juncture until I’ve had a chance to work that out with my psychiatrist.
And really, it’s more than just conversation. It’s more than just somebody to “hang out with” as it were. That need was fulfilled last week with a short yet enjoyable road trip with The Bubby.
Simply put, it’s making a life with someone, and having someone be there for the changes that may come about. The things we remember when with our poorly named significant others are not the day-to-day operations, the paying of the bills or the cleaning of the house, not even really the occassional argument or the occassional laughter, but the changes that we undergo while with each other. The choices we make in our lives because of and in spite of each other are those that cause growth in a relationship, not the petty little arguments we have about whose checking account this bill will be paid out of, or which movie should we see, the sappy girly love story or the mega-destruction guy-fest, or who slept with who’s secretary or boss or whatever (okay, granted, that one might register somewhat higher on the Relationship Richter scale), but the changes we make in the presence of the ones we love. Joe mentioned this quite significantly to me the other day while we were moving his new furniture around the state. He mentioned that choosing to purchase such a bedroom set was more than just laying down a couple thousand bucks for some pretty wood shaped in interesting fashions by a highly skilled craftsman. Instead, it was a decision that both he and his wife had made, and it was a step forward in their relationship, a further seal on their decision to spend part, if not all of their lives together.
“Every day and every night,
I always dream that
You are by my side
Oh, baby, every day
And every night,”
The only immediately interested party in where I may be, other than my parents and sister (who are highly interested parties, to be sure), is my cat, as it will effect his sleeping patterns and where his sandbox is. But other than that, the effect of changing my surroundings, my patterns, my daily stimuli is a rather momentus occassion.
“Well I said everything’s
Gonna be alright
And I’ll fly with you,
I’ll fly with you,
I’ll fly with you”
And in such a momentus occassion, the potential for such change in my life, I have felt the pang of needing to share it with someone.
Gigi D’Agostino ft. - I”ll Fly with you (Bla Bla Bla Remix)
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