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If you're looking for the secret to life, you're not likely to find it here. Now my life? That's a different story, one told here in mind-numbingly verbose detail...

 
 

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Humor

Looking for an individual with experience in image recognition algorithm design. Specifically, I’m looking for someone who can work on a personal project to develop an image recognition system that can detect specific types of vehicles in all weather conditions on a road to meet the following needs:

1. Can detect after-market modifications to vehicles, such as gaudy fins, high-rise spoilers, “Type-R” stickers, and Kanji lettering on windsheilds.
2. Can determine the difference between a muted, professional color vehicle paint scheme and the neon, eye-gauging cousin.
3. Can detect any model of Hummer.
4. Can differentiate between a true S.U.V., i.e., one that is actually used for sports utility, and one that is purchased as a status symbol to compensate for the size and/or quality of one’s genatalia.
5. Can accurately predict the target location of said vehicle through several seconds of driving at highway speeds at moderate range through a sweeping arc.
6. Can communicate via USB, Firewire, or Bluetooth with a tripod-mounted, automated-tracking high-powered fully automatic rifle in a sniper emplacement.

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