As my desire for change mounts, culminating into a plan of attack, I see myself standing on the edge of some cliff, life’s permutations coalescing quietly away in the swirling fog obscuring whatever bottom awaits me below.
It seems to be all I can do to function correctly today.
Actually, I haven’t even been doing that very well today, either.
What is that I’m searching for, ultimately? I’ve written about the differences between reality and television before, and yet, it seems that so many things in mass media, be it books, songs, television, everything really, calls to me in a way that reality cannot.
Only tell me that you still want me here
When you wander off out there
To those hills of dust and hard winds that blow
In that dry white ocean alone
Lost out in the desert
You are lost out in the desert
In the unending tragedy of real life, I am caught in the middle of the desert, desolation in every direction. My only course of action is to wait for a path to be illuminated to me, some direction I can take to change that which dissatisfies me.
But to stand with you in a ring of fire
I’ll forget the days gone by
I’ll protect your body and guard your soul
From mirages in your sight
Assuming for a moment that I do receive the coveted opportunity to Run and Hide, as I have been pining for seemingly so long, then what will change? Only the place in which I exist, and not my own existence itself. Will this be enough to stop the soulful spiral downward that I have sensed for so long? Is this the thing I need to redirect my energies away from what I believe to be self-destructive? Am I destined to do more than just sit in this holding pattern, never seeking greater meaning?
Or, as I have always believed, will I be the same person? Does the place make the person, or is it the other way around?
Just a wish and i will cover your shoulders
With veils of silk and gold
When the shadows come and darken your heart
Leaving you with regrets so cold
I don’t feel as though this is home anymore. I walk into the door of my apartment and get the odd sense that I don’t belong, that my time to move on is long overdue. But I’m wondering if this feeling will change with a change of surroundings. To put it bluntly, will I feel like I am home… anywhere?
If your hopes scatter like the dust across your track
I’ll be the moon that shines on your path
The sun may blind our eyes, I’ll pray to skies above
For snow to fall on the Sahara
I have a strong desire to do something with my life, and I believe I even know what that is, but I’m not sure if that will last either. Is it the curse of enlightenment to be forever dissatisfied? Is this the human condition spoken of so often: disatisfaction?
I want to write, travel, and write some more. But of course, at the point that my life currently is, that won’t put food in my stomach and a roof over my head. So, I’m a computer technician. Which I don’t really mind, I suppose.
It still feels disatisfying at times, however.
If that’s the only place where you can leave your doubts
I’ll hold you up and be your way out
And if we burn away, I’ll pray to skies above
For snow to fall on the Sahara
Anguun - Snow On the Sahara
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