I know I haven’t written in a while. What I have written has been inconsequential, tired and full of hackery. However, pieces of life have continued to pelt at me like sleet falling, keeping my attention diverted and my emotional engines running at full tilt just to keep myself going.
Thursday evening I decided to do very little of consequence and managed to drop by my old hang-out, the local nerdvanna, a gaming and comic-book shop known as “Ivory & Steel”. I saw an old friend there and it was a great chance to catch-up and talk about, well, what everyone goes there to talk about: gaming.
That wasn’t it.
This weekend was a change of pace and a chance to relax, however. Saturday, I spent some time helping out Uncle Bubby with a network wiring project at his house, followed up by some great Sci-Fi and a German Happy Meal (Beer and Bratwurst). The bratwurst obviously wasn’t the best I had ever had, the beer wasn’t my favorite, but after a week as long as a year, it tasted oh-so-good.
But that wasn’t it.
Last night I dove into fantasy and played my weekly Dungeons and Dragons game with a group of friends, rolling dice and pretending to kill goblins and other Tolkein-ish monsters, represented by little tokens on a make-shift board, while fantasizing about a world we controlled. My character did well, scoring several impressive attacks against a broad range of opponent combatants.
But that wasn’t it, either.
It was the people. It was the fact that I had the opportunity to spend time around those that care about me, as I do them.
I get the impression from some of my friends (and in this case I use that term loosely) that, while I consider myself a great listener, I never need to be listened to myself. Perhaps that’s simply not my place with these particular individuals, but usually when I’m feeling particuarly emotionally needy myself, I sometimes come to the conclusion that it’s a relationship of using, and I’m the one being used.
Which is why I’ve spent the last several weekends practically vacationing… just retsing and playing and watching and… well, resting some more. I’ve seriously needed to catch up on my sleep.
Why is it we must take our lives in tiny portions? Why is that lives must come in small doses to be manageable? Is it really too much to ask that we take more than a day at a time, instead of having to live moment by moment? Perhaps that’s the nature of a being confined to such a temporal existence.
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