Sorry for the break. I’ve been catching up on much-needed sleep, much-needed familial time, and much needed commisseration with old, half-forgotten friends.
As you may have noticed, recently, my dreams have been coming in more clearly, and these past few days, the line between dreamworld and reality has blurred. Mornings, which granted, I am rarely awake for, have been surreal, dark, and cool. The temperature has been dead-on in the low 60’s, bringing with it a light cool breeze that falsely presents the beginning of Spring, as if Spring herself were on the way.
This, of course, is a fallacy. The cold has only barely attacked us here in central Oklahoma, what with Januaray and February waiting to pounce with crystaline, foggy breath like a demonic figure in the night.
I found out that in my parody recently, I missed a holiday celebrated at this season of holiday mish-mash: Festivus, apparently, an even faker holiday then Kwanzaa. I’m amazed, and interestingly enough, pleasantly surprised that people are so fed-up with the over commercializiation of Christmas that they’re willing to celebrate a holiday made up by the writers of the television show “Seinfeld.” This says to me quite a bit about the state of people’s dissatisfaction with Christmas(TM).
This morning, at 5:30 A.M., on my way home, flying down some dead superhighway with the fog coursing through the network of asphalt and fake lights, ambience pouring through the speakers, it felt for a few moments as though I was sitting still, and the world was moving underneath, on either side, and otherwise, all around me: the center of my little universe. No other cars on the interstate interrupted the illusion, and for a few precious moments, I was alone with my thoughts. In such a state of being, at 5:30 A.M., kept awake and alive with precious Mountain Dew and loud trance music, I finally had the opportunity to think about such things as New Year’s Resolutions, an activity which I decided years ago to be fruitless and a waste of breath.
As a matter of fact, I’ve found that most people who resolve to exercise more in the new year, only achieve this resolution by yammering incessantly about the fact that they’re going to do it this year, believe you me, instead of actually hitting the treadmill those precious few minutes every so often according to whatever asanine schedule some fake doctor dreamed up to help you lose weight.
My resolutions this year are rather simple, and involve growth and improvement of my self, my persona, instead of concentrating on a physical shell that won’t obey my whims and won’t be with me long anyway, at least in terms of an astronomical time scale. I probably should exercise more, eat better, and in all reality, meeting these goals would help acheive the others, but they not be as attainable as I initially hope.
So, in so keeping with this inane tradition that some wise-asses dreamed up to make the first day of the new year actually mean something, here are my goals for the year of 2005:
1. Become mentally healthy and stable enough to get myself off of anti-depressants.
2. Return to and remain on my journey on The Path.
3. Find love in any and alll forms that may present itself, be it friends, family, or lovers.
4. Continue to improve my writing skills.
5. Be the person to my friends I wish they would be to me.
This list is not here for you, oh dear reader, instead it is printed in this online journal as a reference to me, the writer. If you don’t care, then don’t. I’m not asking you to be here. Maybe you’re like me, and think that New Year’s Resolutions are patently ridiculous. Maybe you couldn’t care less. If any of these fit the case, then so be it, as I don’t really give a damn. This is the record of my life, as boring and pointless as it may be, and it is more for me than anyone else.
In so keeping with Goal number 2, I do have something to look forward to: Finally, the force of the Jing (Yin) is waning and the Shen is waxing. As our own cycles are ingrained and rooted with the Earth, so we will feel the end of the Jing for the year, and the beginning of birth and renewal.
Here’s to the New Year.
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