A week of emotional desperation, without guidance or clarity, has made me a proverbial flight risk.
Met with the urgings from a friend, also in need, with friends who had scattered like rain in a time of quiet despair.
“We were lonely, We were angry,
For being tied up to our lives.
We always mourned as the days passed by.”
Add these two together and the equation coalesces into the simple desire to leave this godforsaken town, and its constant assailments.
The urge for flight has never been stronger in my mind: The inkling to drop my emotional anchors, step out of myself, and see what I can find on the roads of life and the interstates of America.
Where nobody knows your name.
We were sheltered, And we were guided
By the calling of the wild.
The Great Unknown,
And no more run and hide…
Get in your car and drive.”
I don’t want to go to a place where everybody knows my name. Too many people know my name and know the history surrounding me. Too many distance themselves because of this. The real friends I have are friends in spite of my history, and I think I could get a clean slate somewhere else.
At least for a time.
Reality calls me back, like a freight train, pulling me back towards my daily duties and responsibilities and…
And all the useless shit we ignorantly call life.
This isn’t living, this is half living, living according to these false rules and mores of society that have been forced down our throats.
“We were heartless, We were in need,
We thought life is just that way.
We were searching for love in the dead of night.”
Perhaps it’s just my outlook. The doctor put me back on antidepressants. I can’t help but think about soma…
“Half a gramme for a half-holiday. One gramme for a weekend. Two grammes for a trip to the gorgeous East. Three… for a dark eternity on the moon.” — Brave New World, Aldous Huxley
Isn’t that just like our society? Instead of taking action against disatisfaction, we are drugged to appease the unease.
We couldn’t see it, Couldn’t find it,
Wouldn’t get it anyway.
Another rock, and we fell out of mind…
I crave the adventure and unknowingness of living as a highwayman, always departing on a journey, never at a destination, the scenery fluid and dynamic around me, lost in sounds and thought of the countryside of whichever direction I choose.
Never knowing who I’ll meet or what lives I will affect, but hopefully always in a positive way.
Get in your car and drive…
Into the fading light of day.
Find the living [girl], Someone to take your breath away…
Beautiful child…”
Four Strings (Madelyne) - Beautiful Child
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