“Up, up, and away! Into the wild black yonder!” cried the team of SpaceShipOne like some deranged Flash Gordon wanna-be’s.
Last week, SpaceShipOne, the first privately funded and privately built rocket plane, soared into the depths for the second time in five days to win the $10 million Ansari X-Prize and pave the way to commercial space travel.
And, for only the second time in aeronautics history- since the days of Orville and Wilbur’s first historic flight at Kitty Hawk, West Virginia- the
Stewardesses were actually polite and helpful, the food contained something edible, and the in-flight movie was slightly better than “Gigli.”
I jest, of course.
But, of course, there are still those in the media that have taken the more pessimistic view, claiming that commercial space travel will be prohibitively expensive.
This being America, however, I believe we can find an entire demographic of wealthy, bored, and vaguely suicidal idiots-by which I of course mean “consumers”- willing to shell out hundreds of thousands of dollars to pursue the bungee-jumping equivalent of modern aerospace travel. This demographic is more popularly termed “republicans.”
Again, I jest.
But to all of those detractors who hold that NASA and similar groups, such as the SpaceShipOne team, are using the pure-science based approach to space exploration and research, produce no tangible or profitable benefit to mankind other than satiating scientific curiosity, I have one thing to say to you: Tang.
Sure, things like Velcro, computers, and Gary Sinese’s acting career, would probably not be as highly regarded without a boost from NASA, but for my money, there’s no better return on investment as that sweet, wondrous orangey goodness of Tang, from whence forth has sprung a plethora of powdered products, like Kool-Aid, Mac and Cheese, and of course, who could forget, the ubiquitous packets of partially hydrogenated chickeny flavored-salt envelopes found stuffed in the underbellies of Ramen noodle packages.
So you see, dear college student, the space program has even affected you, for without such benefits, how could you supplement your late night beer/booze bash for pennies on the dollar? How could you, I ask, make your offerings to the porcelain deity complete, in both chunkiness and color, without such space-program inspired food by-products?
And now, with commercial interests taking a fevered look at polluting and spoiling the infinite, star-filled reaches beyond our own atmosphere, I ask you to consider the greater good that will come of all of this.
What, in our civilization’s proud march into the future, lies beyond Tang? What greater advances can we look forward to, not only matching the unparalleled beauty and basic utilitarian values of such orange-flavored sugar, but also possibly astounding us even more with its grandeur?
The future, it would seem, lies among those orangey, sugary stars.
Originally printed with permission in The Daily O’Collegian, October 11, 2004
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