More drama stories. I call these “learning experiences”. This one will be done in installments, as it confuses even me to this day.
Names have been changed to protect the (not-so) innocent.
I had recently ended a string of none-too-successful relationships. The most recent of which had kind of fizzled. The one before that had also kind of fizzled. And the one before that…
Well, that’s a bit interesting. Being a regular up at IHOP, I had met a girl that was a regular up there, and occassionally we chatted. It was interesting, because she was a bit on the flirty side. To describe what I mean by flirty, I’ll give you an example. At one point, she grabbed my pager, set it on vibrate and began using it as a “toy”, and no, I don’t mean that in the “Tamagachi Virtual Pets” way. Well, I suppose you could make a reference to…
Never mind. Forget it, not going there.
Long story short, she ended up coming back to my place with me after a long night of IHOP chatting. Well, things got kind of interesting. And I’ll leave the rest up to your imagination.
Basically, after this, and the subsequent string of sucky relationships, I decided that I wanted to find a stable, mature woman. Yeah, right.
I told you that story to tell you this one.
It all started on a sunny Saturday afternoon in June of ‘03. I was sleeping off the mid-afternoon blood sugar crash after a large lunch, lounging in a long day of being a wart on society and contributing nothing useful. Since I had the TV on, I awoke to find one of my favorite movies on Comedy Central. After watching a few minutes, I decided it was time to stretch and actually see the sun.
I stepped outside into the brightness, and promptly hissed at the daystar. As I was cowering in shadow like a wussy vampire, I heard what seemed to be two women screeching and bumping against things in the apartment next door. I know the girl who lives there, at least vaguely, and I grew concerned at the noise.
Being a friendly neighbor, and one who watches over the area that I live in because I like things to remain safe and secure, I ponder for a moment, and decide to knock on the door.
That one little decision, which spanned the breadth of only about a second, would forever change my outlook on life and how I conduct my affairs with other people. Little did I know that I was about to go through six months of hell because of a simple knock.
The girl who answers the door is not a resident of that apartment unit. Neither is the other girl who pokes her head out. How… interesting.
“Uhhh, is everything okay in there?”
*Giggles*. “Uhhh, yeah, we were just tickling.”
“Oh….kay. Is Kristin still living here?”
“She’s at work.”
“Oh….kay. Who the hell are you?”
The first girl, who identified herself as Julia, told me she was Kristin’s new roommate. The other one? Well that got interesting. I ended up chatting a little bit with these ladies. The conversation started on the movie playing on Comedy Central, and ended up with a little bit of history.
It turns out that a few months back, when the cops had shown up at our apartment complex a few times to chat with Kristin, it was because Kristin and this second girl, we’ll call her Mary, had been dating. Mary’s parents didn’t exactly approve of her being a lesbian, not to mention dating a girl several years older. So, a restraining order, a couple of misunderstandings with the cops, and a new girlfriend later, Mary and Julia were together, Julia being Kristin’s new roommate. At Kristin’s house. With Kristin unaware of this.
I began drawing up a flowchart in my head to keep track of this. It didn’t help. This would obviously present some problems.
Anyway, introductions aside, I proceeded to shake my head and return to my Sanctum Sanctorum.
About this same time of year, I got a couple of new upstairs neighbors. The couple diagonally upstairs to me had gotten married and moved to a bigger place, and the bride’s father had moved in so they wouldn’t have to break the lease. Nice guy, fortunately, and seemed to be pretty interested in keeping the area comfy and safe. We’ll call him Frank.
The guy who moved in directly above me was a little different. I introduced myself, and made John feel welcome. While we had a lot of the same hobbies (turns out he’s a gamer), and he seemed like a genuinely nice guy, he was a little on the socially inept side. That seems to be a common malady among gamers. And I of course, am the perfect person to judge his social maturity, seeing as I am extremely socially mature myself (I’ll wait for the laughter to die down).
Turns out he was bringing his girlfriend down in a few weeks to live with him. The reason I began to question this guy’s sanity? He had met her online a couple of months before, and they were talking about getting married. She just had to get things squared away with her parents first, since they had recently kicked her out for being a waste of genetic resources and just generally screwed up. Seems this guy had met yet another incarnation of my ex. That poor, poor bastard.
Because of all this, it would prove to be an interesting few weeks as everyone got moved in and the battle lines began to be drawn. Within about 3 weeks, everybody knew everybody else, and I knew that things were quickly become far too interesting for my own good.
“This bodes not well.”
Dammit, I’m a prophet.
Stay tuned for Episode 2 tomorrow evening.
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