Although I have been preparing for it for some time now, Dana’s leaving was still difficult on me. I, in my attempt to ease the transition, put my best face forward, put my shields up, and put a smile on my face, so as not to make this any more difficult than it already was.
And so, once again, and even though I should be used to it by now, it was time to say goodbye.
“Sometimes, the sound of goodbye…
Is louder than any drumbeat…”*
I helped move the last few belongings out of her now barren abode, and she checked out, dropping her key off, slowly, unassuredly, as we took one last glance at the place she had called home for two and one-half years. Although my memories of this place are far fewer than hers, I’ve still spent quite a bit of time with her there, hanging out, watching TV, and even, on a couple of occassions, drinking myself into a fucking stupor.
“Time to say goodbye.
Places that I’ve never seen or experienced with you.
Now I shall, I’ll sail with you upon ships across the seas,
seas that exist no more,
it’s time to say goodbye.”**
We went for a bite to eat, a little hole in the wall restuarant for an honest, home-cooked meal (appropriately named Mom’s Place), and chatted over coffee and a modest, quiet lunch. She kept saying she wasn’t going to cry. I knew I wouldn’t, but that’s because I’ve gotten so good at stopping it over the years. The meal over, I followed her to a gas station, where we ran through the final checklist on her car before she lifted off from this town.
“So goodbye yellow brick road,
Where the dogs of society howl.
You can’t plant me in your penthouse,
I’m going back to my plough…”***
And then, unable to hold back the inevitable instant any longer from the uncaring march of temporal existence, it was again, time to say goodbye. We held each other for a moment, sealed the moment with a nervous, clumsy kiss, and she drove off, with me standing, watching her disappear into traffic, watching as she began a voyage that would no longer include me, watching as she left me behind, one friend less in this, my home, unable to watch her anymore, unable to be near her.
“Back to the howling old owl in the woods,
Hunting the horny back toad.
Oh, I’ve finally decided my future lies…
Beyond the yellow brick road”***
And, as always, our two roads diverged, and I took my own path, with the sound of her goodbye ringing, pounding, whispering, echoing… in my mind, as the steaming tears cut rivers of sorrow and loss down my face.
*– The Sound of Goodbye, by Perpetuous Dreamer
**– Time to Say Goodbye, by Sarah Brightman
***–Goodbye Yellow Brick Road, by Elton John
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