Walking away from the Con is the hardest part. You know the end has come when the early Sunday afternoon sunlight makes you hiss and cower for shadow like some wussy vampire, and everyone around you is bleary-eyed, suffering from severe deep sleprivation, and wondering why their checking accounts are empty, their cars are full of crap they didn’t bring, and they have a sudden deep, profound hunger for eating Alka-Seltzer straight from the package.
Not that checking out of my hotel was easy this morning, either. Not because I had some unquenchable desire to stay another day in a place that was probably better suited at being charged by the hour instead of by the night, but simply because, a bed is a bed, and sleep, which I have gotten very little of at this point, is, at the end, sleep.
Pardon my sentence structure. I have slept a total of about 11 hours for the last 96. Not a good ratio for me. But I digress.
But, when I’ve said goodbye to my newfound friends, shook some hands, exchanged e-mail addresses, or, should the situation call for it, my attorney’s contact information, and I begin the long, well-too-sunlit trek back to my vehicle, a feeling of sadness washes over me, like some sickening green liquid welling up in my gut.
No, wait, that’s nausea. I think my body is rejecting my attempt at a Mountain Dew Transfusion in the desperate, yet laughingly futile attempt at keeping myself lucid, or at least as lucid as I get.
Anyway, to sum up this vacation, I only need 3 words:
Best. Vacation. Ever.
New friends were made, new anime was watched, and new computer parts purchased.
And my feet feel like two pieces of filet mignon majestically tenderized repeatedly with a 24 carat gold meat mallet.
Back home, tomorrow is the recovery day. This is the day when I rub my feet, sleep a lot, and mutter incoherently at my cat, the wall, my computer, and the bass drum going off in my head, rhythmically, and in techno style, at the exact speed of my heartbeat. Odd how that works.
And now, I take a moment to sit back, reflect, and bore you with useless, yet possibly amusing statistics.
Disclaimer: These statistics are in no way complete, accurate, or intelligible.
Cosplaying (costume play, or dressing up as your favorite character):
Number of Inuyasha cosplayers: 37 (estimated)
Number of female Inuyasha cosplayers: 27 (Inuyasha is a male character)
Number of cosplayers that should not have been wearing what they were wearing due to weight problems: 33
Number of cosplayers that should not have been wearing what they were wearing due to being underage: 138
Number of total cosplayers: Too numerous too count
Number of costumes that were a couple of pieces of cardboard with the word “Costume” on it and the disclaimer that the bearer is poor, cheap, or uncreative: 4
Number of cosplayers that looked like they spent more than 5 minutes on their costumes: About 5
Signage:
Number of handwritten signs from lonely anime con-goers begging for physical contact: Too numerous to count
Number of signs from con-goers suggesting the exchange of money for physical contact: Many, until the bearers realized others were undercutting their prices (aka, free)
Number of bad knock-offs of my sign after I came up with the idea: 12
Number of copyright infringment notifications from myself: 3
Number of pictures taken of me with my stupid little sign: 22
Number of times I flipped off the camera: 1
Number of times I flipped out in front of the camera: That pretty much describes the entire weekend.
Number of signs requesting sexual favors: Too numerous to count
Number of women with signs wanting to see two men make out: Too damn many
Number of women willing to make out with other women: Not damn enough
Hotel:
Number of disturbed looks from hotel staff: 7
Number of reported psychoses of hotel staff due to this con: 1
Number of broken windows: 2
Number of broken whiskey bottles: Too numerous to count
Number of broken vodka bottles in the valet overhang: 2
Number of flat tires from said vodka bottles: 1
Number of pissed off non-con going hotel residents: Too numerous to count
Number of “other” simultaneous meetings in this hotel: 4
Number of successful “other” simultaneous meetings in this hotel: 0
Number of scared “mundanes”: Many
Number of satisfied con-goers who were scaring the “mundanes”: Even more.
Number of women flashing people in the hall: 4 (I didn’t see these)
Number of those that should have been doing it: 0
Maybe if they had lost a couple hundred pounds?: 0
What about plastic surgery?: 0
Number of drunk Con-Staff members: All of them
Number of Con-goers at my hotel (12 miles away): 4
Number of times I gave dirty looks to Motel 6 staff: 3
Number of times they treated me like dirt: 8
Number of times I threatened to call corporate headquarters: 1
Number of times I will actually call corporate headquarters: 0
About my activities:
Number of miles driven: 970
Number of times I went completely through my playlist on my laptop: 2
Number of hours spent in transit: 11 (including trying to find my way around Dallas and stopping for meals, gas, and traffic jams)
Number of hours spent sleeping: 11
Number of ounces of Mountain Dew consumed: 336
Number of sticks of Pocky consumed: 72
Number of miles walked (approximate): 13
Net weight gain/loss: Too much/Not enough
Number of breasts I saw: 2 pair (3 1/2; One of them was an “innie”)
Number of times I heard the phrase “I love snowballing for fun and profit!”: 5
Number of breasts I wish I saw: Too numerous to count
Number of breasts I’m glad I didn’t see: See previous answer
Number of times I saw my ex-girlfriend: 3
Number of times I wish I had seen my ex-girlfriend: I think you can figure this one out on your own.
Number of times I saw my ex-girlfriend’s new child: 1
Number of times I prayed for the future of that poor child: 4
Number of times during the Con I wondered why she brought it: 8
Number of women slept with: 0
Number of women “picked up”: 3
Number of new friends made: A lot.
Misc.:
Number of enemies vanquished: 1
“Anime Addict” Class Experience points earned: 1250
Current “Anime Addict” Level: 8
Health Points lost due to lack of sleep: 33
Total number of statistics made up on the spot: 54.7%
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