Hmmm. Haven’t done one of these in a while… Think I’ll give it a shot.
Just so you know, it’s been a crazy week, and I’m sure that I’ll be rambling all about it on my blog to no end as soon as it’s over. I’ve got a lot of news to share.
But, just so you have something to read (as if you had anything better to do; What? You do? Then why the hell are you here??)
So, without further delay, is a recipe on how to have a Kevin-esque relationship. Enjoy…
Pre-heat personality to annoyingly needy and unecessarily clingy.
Add one beautiful and out-of-league female to large, empty platonic relationship.
Add 1/2 cup of carefully planned references to a desire to move to a romantic relationship and stir vigoursly with thoughtful conversations regarding the female’s current relationship with somebody else.
Fold in 1 crying shoulder. Mix in blubbering tears to taste.
Allow to sit for a minimum of 6 months until female’s current relationship has risen to the top. Skim off the top carefully, or allow to evaporate.
Mix in 2 cups of brutal honesty regarding desired relationship state. Careful! Mixture will be volatile.
Season with tablespoons of blank stares, cold shoulders, and conversation evasion.
Quickly drop in 6 cups of harsh rejection and hopeless denial. Stir quickly with a Friendship only reference.
Allow to bake for 2 weeks on middle rack at loneliness and wavering self-worth. Be careful not to undercook.
Repeat until mentally-agonizing relationship with deranged female ensues, or until all of the mixture has been used.
Let cool in open air for a minimum of 12 months while entire life is re-evaluated.
And yes, before you ask, I am kidding. No really, I am kidding this time. Honest.
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