Another one bites the dust, swing and a miss, crash and burn, Oops, I did it again…
I could go on, but I won’t (now there’s a surprise).
So, another feeble attempt at a relationship has failed again, before it ever got off the ground.
J called me tonight. Started off with a normal conversation, until she tells me that she wants to persue a relationship with someone else, someone that, for all intents and purposes, is probably quite a bit more accessible to her.
I’m not really sure what to think. I mean, she knows this other person much better than I, it would seem, so there’s always that. But, being human, I have the hardest time convincning myself that it’s not me. Perhaps it’s just the week I’ve had, but I don’t know.
I was at a meeting today for work where they were broadcasting via teleconferencing, and I saw the back of my head on the screen.
At first, I didn’t even think it was me.
I’ve known that my hair has been slowly evacuating my scalp for a while now. My hairline has been receding for several years, and I’ve always known that I would probably be bald in a few years.
But what I didn’t realize was that the follicles on my hairline had somehow gotten a message to the guys at the top of my head earlier than I had expected, and they’re beginning to abandon ship as well.
The top of my head is getting a little on the thin side.
Now, some people reading this may not take too big of an issue with that. Especially some guys may think “It’s not too bad, it’s just a little hair loss”. If this is your argument, may I please direct your gaze towards the upper-right hand corner of this web page where you see my birthdate. Check the date. Do the math. I’ll wait.
No, the Calculator application is under Start, Programs, Accessories.
Done?
Alright, fine, I’ll tell you. I’m 23, and I’m losing my hair. I’m also somewhat overweight, and definitely out of shape.
I’m rapidly losing my drawing power. In effect, I’m not getting any more attractive, and I’m not even a quarter century old yet.
So, every potential relationship that fails, every let-down, every slipped chance, gives me the distinct impression that I’m getting to the point where the chances are going to be less frequent, and less impressive.
And it wouldn’t be so bad, if I would actually have a relationship every now and then. Instead, they never get that far, they just kind of… fizzle. I’m not crashing and burning, I’m not even failing to take off, I’m exploding in the runway.
I had hoped this one would work out, too. J is a hell of a girl, and I thought I saw a lot of eventual potential. She’s intelligent and beautiful and…
And so totally out of my league. Now moreso than ever.
We’re still going to be friends, and chat, but, at least for the moment, that feels kind of empty, almost like “And, for our runner up, a copy of our home game!” (and yes, pun intended, for all of you who caught it). I guess it goes back to the right-time, right-place business, but I’m getting really sick and tired of being in the wrong place and/or wrong time.
Maybe this is just the funk from the previous week that hasn’t worn off yet. Maybe this is just that work and school are really sucking wind right now. Maybe this is to be expected, and nobody should really expect me to be in high spirits right now.
But dammit, I’m tired of being alone.
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